Breaking The Myth That Struggling Moms Don’t Love Their Babies
There’s a myth that quietly does a lot of damage in motherhood:
“If a mom is really struggling, she must not love her baby enough.”
This belief is wrong, and it’s cruel.
We need to talk about why.
Struggle is not a measure of love
A mom can:
- Love her baby deeply
- Show up every single day
- Do everything she can to care for her child
…and still be living with:
- Postpartum depression
- Postpartum anxiety
- Postpartum OCD
- Postpartum rage
- Birth trauma and its aftermath
These conditions are about what her brain and body have been through, not the strength of her love.
Symptoms are not moral verdicts.
How this myth keeps moms silent
When we tie a mom’s love to whether or not she’s “coping well,” we create a dangerous dynamic.
Moms think:
- “If I admit how bad this feels, people will assume I don’t love my baby.”
- “If I say I’m having scary thoughts, they’ll think I don’t deserve my child.”
- “If I talk about depression or rage, they’ll see me as a threat, not as someone who needs help.”
So they stay quiet. They push everything down. They put on a brave face and smile in pictures, while internally they’re falling apart.
The myth that “struggling moms don’t love their babies” doesn’t protect children. It isolates parents.
What love actually looks like here
Love in the postpartum season can look like:
- Feeding your baby even when you’re exhausted and numb
- Asking for help because you know your family deserves a healthier you
- Telling the truth to a provider so you can get treatment
- Getting out of bed one more morning when everything in you wants to give up
None of that looks “picture perfect.”
All of it is love in action.
The heart of “No Mom Walks Alone”
My campaign Hope Is Here: No Mom Walks Alone is, in many ways, a direct response to this myth.
I want moms to know:
- Your love is not in question just because you’re struggling
- Your symptoms are not a sign you’re unfit
- You deserve support precisely because you and your baby matter
If you’ve been scared to reach out because you do love your baby and you’re not okay, please hear me:
Your love and your struggle can coexist.
You are not disqualified from help because your heart is tender.
You are exactly the kind of person support was made for.
Breaking this myth is one of the ways we start making sure no mom walks alone.
If you want more real conversations around postpartum and maternal mental health, you can listen to the Mama Outspoken Podcast here.
You are invited to find community with us, check out the Mama Outspoken Village here. To learn more or grab your copy of the book, head here.
Remember, you’re not alone in this. One of our favorite resources is the Postpartum Resource Center of New York - you deserve support that sees you.
