What I Wish I Could Believe During My First Postpartum Season

During my first postpartum season, people told me things I wanted to believe.

They told me I was a good mom.

They told me the season would pass.

They told me there would be better days ahead.

They told me the kinds of things people say when they are trying to help, encourage, and remind you of what is true.

And I wanted to believe them.

I really did.

But postpartum depression, anxiety, and rage got in the way.

Those struggles made it hard to receive encouragement. They made it hard to see myself clearly. They made it hard to believe that the worst thoughts I was having were not the whole truth.

I loved my baby deeply.

And I was struggling internally.

Both were true.

But in that season, I did not know how to hold both.

I Wish I Could Believe I Was A Good Mom

One of the things postpartum depression, anxiety, and rage stole from me was the ability to believe I was a good mom.

I could hear someone say it.

But I could not fully receive it.

Because when your thoughts are loud, encouragement can feel like it bounces right off. It does not always sink in. It does not always feel true just because someone kind says it to you.

I needed to believe that one hard moment did not define me.

I needed to believe that being overwhelmed did not mean I was failing.

I needed to believe that struggling did not mean I was not meant for motherhood.

But the first time around, those beliefs felt far away.

That is part of why I created the affirmation cards.

I wanted reminders that a mom could come back to again and again, especially when one sentence was not enough the first time.

I Wish I Could Believe God Was Beside Me

Faith was not simple for me in that season.

I believed in God.

But there were days when I struggled to feel close to Him.

There were moments when I read scripture and still could not feel the truth of it. There were moments when prayer did not sound polished or peaceful. Sometimes it felt like begging God to save me from the darkness I was sitting in.

And looking back, I wish I had something that met me there.

Not vague encouragement.

Not a random verse I had to search for while already exhausted.

Not a prayer I had to create from scratch when I barely had words.

I wish I had scripture and prayer pointed directly toward the feelings I was having.

The fear.
The guilt.
The rage.
The sadness.
The loneliness.
The scary thoughts.
The exhaustion.

I needed reminders that God was not waiting for me to get myself together before He came close.

I needed to remember He was beside me in the hard days too.

I Wish I Could Believe The Season Would Pass

When you are in postpartum, especially a painful postpartum season, it can feel endless.

The sleepless nights feel endless.

The heavy thoughts feel endless.

The emotional swings feel endless.

The loneliness feels endless.

Even when people tell you the season will pass, it can be hard to believe them when your body, mind, and spirit feel like they are still inside it.

I wish I could have believed that the season would not last forever.

Not because the pain was not real.

It was real.

Not because I could just positive-think my way out of it.

I could not.

But because I needed hope that did not shame me for struggling.

I needed a reminder that this was a season, not my identity.

I Wish I Could Believe I Was Still The Mom I Was Intended To Be

This became one of the deepest truths behind the affirmation cards.

I needed to be reminded that I was still the mom I was intended to be.

Not because I was perfect.

Not because I never cried.
Not because I never felt rage.
Not because I always knew what to do.
Not because I handled everything with grace.

But because my hardest postpartum season did not erase who God created me to be.

It did not erase my love.

It did not erase my calling.

It did not erase the possibility of healing, support, growth, and grace.

I needed to believe that being a struggling mom did not mean I was the wrong mom.

Why I Made These Reminders Physical

The reason I created physical affirmation cards is because postpartum does not always leave room for complicated practices.

Sometimes opening your Bible and searching for the right verse can feel like too much.

Sometimes trying to pray can feel hard when your thoughts are loud.

Sometimes you do not need another app, another checklist, or another thing telling you what to do.

Sometimes you need one card.

One sentence.

One prayer.

One scripture.

One reminder you can hold in your hand when you cannot hold everything together.

If You Cannot Believe It Yet

If you are reading this and thinking, “I want to believe that, but I can’t,” I understand.

You do not have to force belief.

You do not have to pretend the words feel easy.

Sometimes the first step is simply letting the reminder be near you.

Read it.
Pray it.
Breathe.
Come back to it later.

You are not failing because encouragement feels hard to receive.

You are not failing because faith feels complicated in this season.

You are not failing because postpartum feels heavy.

You are still the mom you were intended to be.

And this season will not last forever.

You can find the faith-based postpartum affirmation cards at mamaoutspoken.com/affirmations.