What I Wish I’d Known Before My First Postpartum Season
If I could go back and sit with myself before my first postpartum season, there are a few things I would want to say.
Not to scare myself.
To prepare myself more honestly than most conversations and classes ever did.
If you’re pregnant, hoping to be, or still in the early postpartum months, consider this a letter from my past self to yours.
1. You won’t know everything, and that’s okay
Before my first baby, I thought if I read enough, took enough classes, and listened to enough experts, I could “study” my way into being ready.
What I didn’t understand yet is that:
- No one can hand you a script for your baby, your body, your brain, your story
- Learning doesn’t end when the baby arrives; it just changes shape
- Not knowing what you’re doing sometimes doesn’t mean you’re unfit – it means you’re new
I wish I’d felt more freedom to say, “I don’t know, and I’m learning,” without translating that into “I’m failing.”
2. Hard doesn’t mean you made a mistake
When postpartum got intense, it was easy for my brain to jump to:
- “Did I make a mistake?”
- “Was I not cut out for this?”
- “Maybe I shouldn’t have done this at all.”
I wish someone had told me clearly:
- Something can be 100% right for you and still be incredibly hard
- Feeling overwhelmed doesn’t retroactively invalidate your choice to become a parent
- Difficulty is not a sign you “weren’t meant” to do this
Parenthood is allowed to be both beautiful and brutal.
Your struggle is not proof you took a wrong turn.
3. Your mental health matters as much as the baby’s milestones
I was so focused on:
- Feeding schedules
- Sleep patterns
- Weight checks
- Developmental milestones
I didn’t give the same attention to questions like:
- “How am I actually doing?”
- “Am I feeling like myself at all?”
- “Is my anxiety or sadness taking over my days?”
I wish someone had looked me in the eyes and said:
Your mental health is not an afterthought.
It’s part of taking care of your baby, not separate from it.
If I had understood that earlier, I might have reached out for support faster.
Why I’m so vocal about postpartum now
These are some of the reasons I’m so committed to Hope Is Here: No Mom Walks Alone now, and why I’m walking the Hope Is Here 5k again at eight months pregnant.
I want other parents to have language and expectations that I didn’t have.
I want them to know it’s okay to say:
- “I don’t know what I’m doing.”
- “This is harder than I thought.”
- “I need help.”
If you’re heading into postpartum (or still in it), consider this your permission slip:
You are not weak for finding this hard.
You are allowed to need support.
You are still a good parent even when you’re struggling.
I wish I’d known that sooner.
I’m grateful I know it now.
If you want more real conversations around postpartum and maternal mental health, you can listen to the Mama Outspoken Podcast here.
You are invited to find community with us, check out the Mama Outspoken Village here. To learn more or grab your copy of the book, head here.
Remember, you’re not alone in this. One of our favorite resources is the Postpartum Resource Center of New York - you deserve support that sees you.
