Ep 37 - Waiting, Crying, and Praying for Love

In this episode of the Mama Outspoken Podcast, Jill and Bobby sit with one of the most taboo feelings in early motherhood: not feeling love for your baby right away.

Jill reads a passage from her book that takes you back to those first moments after birth. She talks about the invisible pressure to get breastfeeding “right” immediately, the urgency around colostrum and milk coming in, and the heartbreak of not being the first one to hold or feed her son. She couldn’t feel parts of her body, she couldn’t get him to latch, she watched Bobby hold him first, and she waited for the rush of love she’d been promised.

It didn’t come.

Instead, she waited, cried, and prayed for it to show up.

Together, Jill and Bobby unpack the grief and confusion of that experience, the gap between the magical moment she expected and the reality she lived, and how long it actually took for love and connection to grow.

If you’ve ever wondered what it means about you that you didn’t feel an instant bond, this conversation is for you.

In this episode, you’ll hear:

• The invisible pressure around “perfect” first moments: latching, colostrum, and milk coming in
• How it felt to watch Bobby hold the baby first and not be able to do what she expected to do
• The numbness and absence of immediate love, and the shame that followed
• Why not feeling love right away is more common than people admit
• How connection with her baby actually developed over time
• Reassurance that love can be slow, quiet, and still completely real

Not feeling instant love doesn’t mean you’re broken or that you don’t love your baby.

It means your body, brain, and heart have been through a lot and need time.

Explore the Mama Outspoken Resources, and check out postpartumny.org for support and community. 

 We hope you'll join us next time!
—Jill & Bobby

You are invited to find community with us, check out the Mama Outspoken Village here. To learn more or grab your copy of the book, head here. Remember, you’re not alone in this. One of our favorite resources is the Postpartum Resource Center of New York - you deserve support that sees you.